I'm not gonna talk about my crappy exams paper.
but what i wanna shout out loud is: I'VE GOT MY DRIVING LICENSE!
mum was asking me if im interested to buy a car. but my answer is NO for the time being. hm...a little tempted by the offer actually but yeah still no for THE TIME BEING. haha! i might change my decision.

mum and dad are busy discussing about shifting house. I agree with them totally. shall isolate myself at the end of singapore. hopefully, all the discussion and planning goes well.

counting down to my last paper on the 30th! and WELCOME HOLIDAY!

alright 10 more days to my first paper. MICROECONOMICS. am i prepared? i should say....erm...maybe partially? had half of the syallabus test last week so revised half of my textbk only. another half more to go.

had my driving lessons this week after one month i didnt touch my beloved steering wheels. haha.
hopefully, next TP is smooth-sailing for me.

yesterday me and azirah were discussing of the place we should go for holiday this december. finding cheap but yet enjoyable one for all of us.
hm....

yes! ive got back my results for MAS112! and i did it! hahaha
so damn happy to see the results. but yeah cant be too complacent or else the grade might just drop anytime.
got my econs test result too. Im happy about it too. but yeah i have another econs test next week. gonna score well for that too. :)
now, left with stats results. im damn scared pls. the paper was challenging. but nvm...lets hope for the best. :)

alright now, ive got to complete
1) brainstorm for ideas for assignment 3 --> narative academic essay
2) marketing presentation 3
3) calculus tutorials
4) Economics reading up
6) Economics tutorial
7) Marketing reading up
8) HE 104B tutorialS
9) MATLAB assignment.

nice one

___________________________________________________________

alright updates about my life now!

recently met up with the girls to play pool. great fun! hope to play with them soon.
got to watch fame with them as well. great show!

looking forward for tmr.
meeting sheena and lilian for girls day out.
we have plenty of stuff in mind.
but before all those fun and laughter can ever take place....we gonna study together at hougang point MAC at 8AM. haha. yeah 8am.

yes, presentation 2 is over! left with one more presentation. was quite happy today coz our grp was praised for defining the market position for lim chee guan correctly. he kept citing our grp's COB over others. dont know should we feel happy, satisfy or worry over this. we are worried that he gives us false hope. haha. but nvm, shall be optimistic and hope for the best. one more graded presentation! hope my grp will ace this one as well. our first presentation was so screwed and we scored 55percents (the lowest), 2nd presentation hopefully he gives us more marks pls. haha.

okay yesterday, had my statistics paper. it was damn challenging pls. the prof still can say it's straight forward. the smartest people in my class even demanded for xtra time pls and still many couldnt do it. wth. haha. hopefully can at least get a B. dont mark too strictly pls. how i wish he read this. wah if he used the bell graph, and turn the Bs...to Cs/Ds...., then i think everyone will screwed that paper. haha!
sat for my calculus paper last sat. there's one minor error. hopefully, the prof dont mark me down so harshly. pls god. haha!
i need to ace these few modules pls....my craft of writing assignment is alrdy so bad lah.

wanted to donate blood today. but decided not to since....no one wanna acc me. what if i fainted. die. i think they will reject me again lah...havent been sleeping enough and consuming healthy food. confirm low blood again.
must persuade someone to join me in the future.

okay, time to chiong my partially done tutorials which ive been neglecting for quite some time due to all these tests and presentation. time to complete my assignment too.

how i wish for a miracle....

The Climb lyrics

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

When i saw that pole dropped right in front of me like never before, i was feeling so shitty. I shouted shit so loud that the tester looked at me. he said he knew that i was trying to avoid striking the pole but it wasnt my luck at that point in time because ultimately it striked. what the.....

My heart felt so heavy and was like dropping. utterly disappointed with myself. wasted my parents' money only to give the damn pole failed me. oh god, what's wrong with me. when it has never occured in my practical lessons, it took place during the test. what the....

told my brothers and my parents about my results. i can sense that my mum was really sad for me. my brothers are great people to confide. my elder bro fetched me from the centre immediately after knowing that ive failed....had our lunch together, chatted and shared our views and booked my tp. it will be next month. hopefully it will be alright. hopefully the pole will give me mercy. haha

my second brother sent me such a sweet motivating sms. feel motivated after knowing that there's infinite opportunities out there. there's still hope, fadilah!

alright, after the sad moment, went to meet marie at dhoby gaut to watch SHORTS! initially we wanted to watch ugly truth but....the slot wasnt right.
SHORTS was not bad. then, went to meet ang. we do our shopping together and yes, it was also the time to release my stress!

Allah, i can only hope for nothing but great strengths and patience as i understand that there's a reason behind every mishaps.

Silently i pray...

recess week has begun.
as time passes, the stress level just naturally goes higher and higher.
seriously, now i understand why some people have trouble coping with additional tutees.
I'm seriously behind time. 2 things that need to be rushed or else my to-do list schedule is totally screwed. great opportunity cost incurred yesterday. almost the whole day spent tutoring. oh god, give me the strength pls. this is my only wish. at times, i wish i could have all the time in the world. but....it's impossible. time is my greatest enemy.

i wonder how and when can i ever enjoy my life. i envy those who are able to stay happy yet get things done.

im trying to stay optimistic. look into the future. and always convince myself in someway that if im able to overcome these hurdles.....i will become a stronger person mentally and spiritually. Amin.

(all is possible if god is on my side)

MY TO-DO LIST.

Wondering why there's no saturday (3 oct) on my schedule???....because it's shopping and movie time with marie! plus....it's my TP. i dont wanna pressure myself with too many stuff

i must remember this day. TUESDAY: need to go down to chinatown to do thorough research for my marketing. or else......i will die!

today, we commemorate our victory for being able to face the numerous number of challenges in the month of ramadhan.
Many would be eager to visit the elders and for youngsters like us, we cant wait to collect our green packet.
but this year, the ambience is no longer like any other years. my family started our day by receiving a news that my grandaunt had passed away. our new clothes were thrown to one corner of the room and we put on our dull coloured clothes. rather sad that things changed so suddenly.
although we werent that closed not until recently, ive started to visit her with my mum. she started to shower me with a little concern and love by preparing dates and soy bean for me for break fast since i cant rush back home on time. it was just two weeks ago. but now, she's gone forever. guess god almighty loves her more than we do. may allah bless her soul.

yeah for some it's a good break for them during this festive holiday but for me, i firstly dont feel that hari raya is round the corner nor do i feel that i should have a deserving break. too many things on my to do list. and ive been rather slack for the past two days. i have to buck up!

today, met up with my tutee for my recent volunteering efforts. she's cute and smart i think! she converse pretty maturely. tuition starts next week at admiralty primary. i have to teach her English which is definitely not in my area of expertise but yeah shall give it a try. And one more subject MATHEMATICS, a subject that i love most!

alright, my stress level is rising quite rapidly. recess break is coming. but the thought of it reminds me of the loads of works that needs to be completed.
oh god, give me strength!

alright. it has been ages since i last updated. school is getting pretty fine. somehow ive gotten used to the late hours of sleep and the chionging part. haha. Economics lecture test is over. My assignment on infatuation has been submitted. hope it doesnt sound weird. haha! left with 3 more midterm tests to go! but that will be after the recess break. so i have time to revise like mad for these three modules. haha! economics lec test was super confusing please. how i wish i could have an open book test!
but just pray hard i could ace it after so much hard work put in! haha.

met up with marie today and like finally, i watched UP! soon marie will start work. guess....it wont be that easy for all of us to meet. but it's okay. haha!

falling sick soon......

weekend is here once again. Exhausted and deprived. deprive of a study, life, balance routine. i seriously admit im pretty weak at balancing time. Study is the only thing i could think of whenever i feel bored. Loving the journey bits by bits every day.
Big sacrifices have to be made every second too. Little time for family, friends and that leads me to a state of deprivation. A strong need to getaway from all this but just nature has at times stopped me from spending time with them. there seems to be way too much opportunity cost.
Coffee is my favourite drink eversince school started. It helps me quite alot in staying awake for long hours.
too much reading up to do but too little time. used to dread reading...but now im beginning to embrace it really well.
My buddies in uni is getting closer and closer as time passes. great to know that actually there are indeed people who are there with/for you through the stormy sea and cloudy skies(when things get seriously uncertain).
Mid term tests are drawing near. Submission of assignments will be in a week time. hope i can complete it on time.

Presentation tmrw! slides are done except for some minor amendments made to some slides. rehearsal tmrw at 1030am. all formal tmrw! for the very first time after so many years, im wearing shoes with heels again!

It has been 1 week plus fasting. Seriously have gone through a week full of challenges. Challenges make me a better muslim yeah.

alright, two more days to my first presentation for this new phase of education. Excited, scared are all i could say. haha.
okay, lets talk about the weekend.
weekend was fine especially the day when the girls meet up to celebrate shirley's bday.believe it or not ive watched the proposal for the second time! so no comment. :p when i first watched it, it was great. but for second time, satisfaction level isnt the same yeah? let me apply my economics. this is called law of diminishing return. ;)

i was taught to play mahjong. somehow ive grasped the techniques.not bad. feel like playing it again. but no gambling yeah!

ARGH! statistics is giving me a terrible nightmare please. ive been trying to solve a question for nearly an hour alrdy! and ive got 15 questions to complete by tmrw morning! oh god, i wanna be smarter please. what was taught during lecture is still quite easy to understand. but...the tutorial is....horrible. terrible and all the -ble in the world.

argh! ive got millions of things to complete and it will never be completed trust me. marketing grp meeting tmrw and also YRP meeting. im looking forward to the end of the day. I need a BREAK pls!

Life is getting more and more discouraging. I know....that something within me has kept me going and the strong word to describe this thing is indeed DREAM. I'm getting all the headaches after thinking way too much and doing too much stuff like never before. timetable very slack...but wonder why....what is expected from us for each subject is never that relaxing.
Study is my favourite pastime now. Distance travelled till now to school if i were to sum up will be.......distance to BANGKOK seriously. haha. im not gonna whine about the travelling time because ive gotten use to it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE....can someone for god sake erase all the thoughts of doing work and all from my mind and give me a whole day of break!

As time passes, one obstacle after another....never fail to pull me down. But nothing is more encouraging than to see your friends going through this tough times and good times together.
Met a few good friends in calculus. pretty certain they are those people who will run along with me to the finishing line during this intense period A senior i met in calculus never fails to guide me through the curriculum planning and enlighten me with lots of unique questions and concepts. Great to know her.
Finally, marketing project outlines are almost ready to be submitted
our group kinda came out with lots of ideas initially. proud of them coz they were so engaged in giving comments. good way to ensure that our proposed plan doesnt side track. made our conclusion today and outlines are ready to be submitted tmrw!
okay, marketing tutorial questions are really bothering me. the questions are like all over the book and that also mean i must do some speed reading for some chapters coz it is never possible to like read possible 20 chapters in the shortest period of time right? hahaha
okay, i should stop whining. haha. but my classmates were kinda confused on how to complete the tutorial. haha. however, ive done 95% of it? not too good though. still think most of the points raised dont make any sense. but just do it man! haha. practice makes perfect right????

okie dokie. have to go. a long day tmrw!

Yes today is Friday. used to look forward to every weekend for some chilling sessions with the girls but hmph in this whole process of chasing dreams, lots of sacrifices needed. Really miss chatting with them about some random stuff instead of school stuff. Have tonnes of things to complete especially maths. im looking forward for next friday because.....to sum up next week, i feel that i have somehow settle down by then. Dont have to like chiong two tutorials for calculus at one go like i have to do this weekend since this week is the final week for the add/drop courses period. everything is somehow confirm.

marketing is really fun but i have yet to revise two chapters on sustainable marketing. Lecturer went really really fast the other day. lucky enough, read the notes beforehand. not so lost at the very least.
Economics revision is almost done except for tutorials. (finally understand elasticity!!!)
Statistics done.
Calculus, no comment but grasping the ideas/formulas/concepts pretty well.

I CAN DO IT!

Started my day with craft of writing lecture. it was really fun and engaging lecture and i believe everyone will agree with me. We were reminded to create our own diary or web blog. Reason being, they would want to encourage us to write with our own style, tone and most importantly the BE YOURSELF concept. Totally agree that writing is not a gifted thing. We can be a good writer anytime as long as we are willing to learn. Craft of writing is a total opposite concept from general paper. no great emphasis on grammar, thesis and all other things that we used to learn in gp. We were told not to consider this subject as a bane but instead embrace it with lots of sincerity. All the bad habits that ive learnt from gp must be put aside. Thank god that my craft of writing teacher is so happy go lucky kind of person. enjoy and always look forward for the workshop. She reminded me of my general paper teacher back in jc.

Alright, ive also bought my calculus book. Super thick but kinda motivated to study because the book looks really nice. haha!
read a few pages on the train. Quite alright if i werent thinking way to complex. Hm, i must say goodbye to my weekend again. Im way behind time for calculus. Everyone has gone through tutorial one and gonna start tutorial two next week but because i just got my module today, i have to do some catching up and self study during the weekend.

Marketing project has begun. Our presentation is in two weeks time and we have started brainstorming on which companies we wish to research on. thought of a few and i hope i could raise it in the next lesson. We have to make sure also that these companies have critical weakness to tackle. Hm, pretty sure my group could do it well enough.

alright, weekend is drawing near. my head is spinning as i think of all the work to be done.
Hope to complete everything at the shortest time possible so that i could spend time with my friends during the weekend. Pretty much miss the good old times. But yeah i cant turn back time just like that right. No choice. Live life and stop procrastinating.

Lets put all the tutorials and revisions aside. Lets talk about friends that ive met instead.
Friends in Uni come and go since we dont really meet for every lessons.However, i do make some close friends. They are really outgoing and great companions to be with. We always exchange views on certain things and at the same time we learn and enjoy the time spend. They are funny bunch of people as well. great to have met them. May we face the obstacles ahead together!

Alright signing off and it's time to study!

Finally, managed to get all the 5 subjects. Got into Calculus module. Not sure if i should feel overjoy over the fact that i got an elective (like finally) or.....start whining over the fact that it's CALCULUS!

Life can never be the same eversince school started.
Everyone's eyes is on you wherever i go. I feel the immense pressure as time goes by. A feeling that it's hard to describe. At times, the tears just naturally run down my cheek. A weak girl hiding behind those smiles is what i am. I notice some changes in me. I just fail to control my temper. I was hoping people could understand what i'm going through But i think they fail to even try to understand. My message always doesnt get across nicely to them. It's just so frustrating to know people are not trying to understand. I hope they can see some lights as to what im going through.

The words said have been bothering me since 1 hour ago. I feel so upset and disappointed. I have never been looked upon as an adult that can be trusted? I need companies to guide me through. what is freaking wrong with that.

It's intolerable! My patience has its limit and it is at its boiling point right now.


Allah, give me strength. thats all i need.

First week of school is headache and tiring. I must say that my timetable isnt that demanding as i had in JC but.....the demand for every courses that im taking is of course two times tougher. Ive been telling myself to stop whining and procrastinating. I can see numerous number of obstacles ahead of me. hopefully i have the strength to face them all.

today, had my probabilty and statistical lecture. It was indeed a difficult subject. Everyone tends to do mental calculations to do some tedious problem sums or write their solutions like a bullet train. Those are the people im competing with. pretty scary. Allah, please give me strength.
Lots of reading up to do for marketing, statistics and microecons. Till now the only reading up ive done was on the bus or train. Everyday got home late. I hope i have a car! haha. Tutorials need to be done soon.

Ive got 1 more elective to bid on. It is a disastrous waiting process. Please god...can someone drop that module! I dont want to end up doing PHYSICS! you know PHYSICS and ME just cant be together! hahaa.

alright, i have to go! I have yet to prepare my tuition revision tests for the next two days.

Fadilah has finally learnt how to cook fried rice!
Guess what? for the past two days, my fried rice has been both in demand and cleared from the wok quite fast. haha.
so happily satisfied! Ive planned to do some changes with the ingredients and come out with new dishes. That is just my plan but not gonna execute it just yet. haha!

okay, tmrw i need to go to school. There's tutorial for my probability and statistic module and the tutorial will be just for an hour! cool right? haha! My little devil friend (myself) told me to just ignore the tutorial
'cause it is not worth the trip but still IM GOING! haha!

Ive been out with my family lately. Went Jb yesterday. Not much to say but one simple word,exhausting. haha! Brought some notes with me to do some reading up in advance 'cause this week it might just past quite fast. Lessons are all in the afternoon except for friday. Not much to whine about with regard to lessons and all but more of to the trip to/from school. I believe i will get use to it pretty soon. ;)

Not meeting up with marie tmrw. Mind pretty engage with some school stuff. probably after most things are settled, we shall meet up for our next movie marathon! haha!

Phew.
just came back from my lovely NTU school!
cant understand why NTU always give me a home-like feeling. Im beginning to love it more every steps i take. A whole day ceremony from 930am. but glad that most of the course mates are friendly. Also, deep down inside me ive been telling myself after today, there's no room for me to slack!

at the point in time when i have to make my pledge as NTU student, i felt a sense of ownership and somehow see the the need to be someone who should always give logical reasoning. Half of the time, I see my future in NTU. Another half of the time, i see myself mugging like hell. Im hoping to make even more friends on the first day of school next week!

Bidding for modules also starts next week 11august at 7pm. I MUST REMEMBER!
Not only that, Ive to start printing my lecture notes and assignments now! time to start reading up.

lately, ive been doing some online shopping. bought a blue colour ipod nano and some bags online. online shopping is easy as 123. haha. click click click. so fun. but...normally when i have to check out my bills....i tend to delete some out. pretty scary to realise that you shop more than you need.

yesterday, had a great time chatting plus shopping with marie. finally, bought a headset for my mp3 and notebook!

advise to marie: i cant wait to see you in LOCAL uni. bare that in mind and never ever doubt yourself. Have faith in yourself like i have faith in you!

done with matriculation and registration of my 3 core subjects. Life is not gonna be the same once school starts that is what i can conclude after seeing my timetable. But yeah my course mate who is in the same econs class as me in junior college says...we must stay positive! hahaha. yeah we must! gonna face the challenges together man even though for this sem we are not gonna study the same thing together!
but nvm, we've alrdy planned to exchange notes.

yeah, gonna start the semester with microecons! back to demand and supply theories again! but this time round it wont be as dry as last time! yeah!

okie dokie,
today, i will be out with the girls. will update more later!

Finally i can edit some stuffs on my blog! i realised i can only start doing it after midnight...funny blog. hahaha.
okay today,

to do list:

matriculate!
timetable!
Bursary!
PSEA!

okay, these must be done soon!

Decision making

Looks like i have to give up one course for this sem and that will be maritime studies.
Trying to pursue an extra course for econs and get it over and done with. Ive seen the study plan the department has set up for us. I dont have to worry much since i still can take more than 1 elective in year 2.

Pardon me. these few days it will be all about my decision. hahaha. if i dont write somewhere....my head will start spinning as a result of thinking way too much. seriously. hahaha. now that ive seen how's my plan will be like....i can do and consider more things calmly.

today, ive received an email informing me to get my course code ready and all.
Have to decide on how my timetable should run. Matriculation date is drawing near. Took this whole day deciding on the courses i would like to take for 1st semester.
I believe strongly that ive made the right choice. Just hope NTU will give me a green light.
Planning to take minor in psychology and elective in maritime. lucky enough, my dream is not totally abandoned.
ive also planned on my next semester courses just in case i make any impulsive decisions next year. For the time being, i just need to observe what some courses are all about. If everything goes as planned, I would want to consider forensic science as my next sem elective. Really great having the Freedom of Choice. Just that im a lil blur of how some things are run. Pretty sure i will get use to the system soon.